A Pixelated Mind

The Ind e-Pen
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Introduction
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Oh, My! What a great day today is. I feel good for the first time since by brother came back home and he’s just packing his bags to leave right now… I think it’s a coincidence. But, either I had a Scrooge (McDuck, not Ebenezer) Christmas eve or I’m just glad it’s over. Still, thanks to everyone who called, wrote, or gave me money, specially Rachele, Tai, Maggie, Sam, Alethea, Sarah, Kassidy, Cassie, my mom, dad, brother, and sister…-in-law. Interestingly, that’s more people than remembered my birthday and waaaay more than people who called me on Festivus.

Le Fin.
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Some time ago, we had this huge thread about politics that left Butt defending himself against an onslaught of intelligent people. As I recall, Butt was defending George W. Bush by saying that us liberals (and me, the ignorant slut) were exaggerating Bush’s possible damage to the world.
Furthermore, ‘Bush would have to be an idiot not to see [that 48% of the population didn't vote for him,]‘ so he would change accordingly.
I agree , after all, Bush was sooo middle of the road after 2000 when 51% of the population didn’t vote for him . But, like those wonderful satirists (Swift, Twain, Python, Trust…), I’ll just hit and run. No political discussions here. Nope. We wouldn’t want to offend the religious right…

… speaking of religious right…

How about that religion? Two weeks ago, I asked “Are there any moral absolutes?” Because I was wondering about morality and ethics. I was hoping it would get one or two people responding intelligently.
I received “yes. read the Bible.”
…
I still marvel at that answer. And not just because of the selective capitalization. I wonder about everyone’s beliefs in this book. Although, I admit that it isn’t just any book. It’s the first book to be mass produced and still the biggest seller… ever!

More than that, I wonder at the constant railing against scientific theory (specifically evolution) that some Christians engage in. Just check out this ‘members only’ link… oh, who am I kidding? No one is going to go.

Oh, well. The argument is as follows: Evolution is not a fact, it’s a theory. Religion has a cool belief that seems much simpler and desireable than evolution. Therefore, religion (or at least ‘Intelligent Design’) should get equal time in classrooms.

My response to this is, if one can think of a way to refute/test ‘intelligent design’ then it can be a theory, otherwise it is just a wish and does not belong in public schools.

Animal.

My good friend, the mad hatter formerly known as Animal, gave an interesting and eloquent account of cultural relitivism. We CAN’T assume moral superiority like this, especially when other cultures could do the same with equal justification.

This, coincidentally, marks the first time Animal and I agree on anything since our arguments about prostitution of Asian minors. See, I thought that any prostitutes under 14 were morally reprehensible unless their parents consented and the kids understood what was happening. Animal thought that the entire practice was wrong. I figure that I’ll let him go on thinking that it’s wrong and eating meat, as long as he lets me eat tofu and buy some bed time with my favorite underage Asians. After all, live and let live, right?

My good friend Daniel also was headed in an interesting track. If the Bible is a source of moral guidance, how and why is it?

Argument.

There are two possible answers:

1. All of the bible is true.
2. Not all of the bible is true.

Analysis.

1. If God wrote (or inspired men to write) the bible, and everything in it is true, then not only is homosexuality an abomination and an afront to god (Leviticus 19:22), but we should have slaves (19:20), we should not wear polyester (19:19), plus, Atkins is a mortal sin. After all, “The Lord said to Moses, ‘Tell the Israelites: You shall not eat the fat of any ox or sheep or goat (7:22-3).’” But it’s okay, after all, if you didn’t know, you could just “bring an unblemished she-goat (5:28)” and sacrifice it to be forgiven.

Defenses to this would no doubt attack Leviticus (thus shifting to position 2), or explain that it was out of context and/or that Since then, the Church (probably via the Pope) has changed.

2. If not ALL of the bible is true, then it is up to each of us to pick which parts we should believe and practice. But there are almost 2 BILLION people that believe in the bible. Each of these is likely to believe in one or more things that you don’t believe in, thus making one or more people wrong. But, then how can you trust yourself to be the one right person?

Defenses to this would suggest divine suggestion, a general consensus of the population, ‘that is the test,’ or determined by god’s omniscience.

Conclusion.

Last week, I asked if human beings were inherently superior to other animals. I asked this purely to frame this week’s e-mail. It seems to me that if there is something that is ‘less’ than us somehow, then we feel no remorse in taking advantage of it. It’s an excellent justification for war (any war), for killing sentient beings, and for oppressing people. After all, it’s a lot easier to gas innocent Jews if you think they are less than you (trust me, I know. My grandfather died in a concentration camp; he fell off a watchtower).
Similarly, it’s been my opinion that the more people think that they are the center of the universe or that they are living in the end of days, the more likely they are to avoid environmental efforts. After all, what’s the point of saving the environment if it is here for us to rape and will be gone shortly anyway?

Logistically, it makes no more sense to believe in the bible than it does to believe in Harry Potter. At least Harry Potter is usually consistent.

Disclaimer.

I write this purely to prod people into answering, though I know that few people will read this, fewer will have an intelligent response, and almost nobody (with one or two exceptions) will reply. That’s cool. You don’t need me to refute the Bible. There are enough people out there already doing that.. Eh.

A Small Quiz:

1. Which is better, the “OC” or “Life as we know it?”
2. Anything be made into a question if you emphasize the right WORDS?
3. Relative to the cosmos, how special are you, your country, and your species (humans)?
4. Is this the end of days? Is the planet going to end in the next 7 years and 363 days?
5. Assuming 2005 happens, would you stay tuned to this bat-channel?

I haven’t posted anything serious in a while (not funny yes, serious no. There’s a distinction. For instance, no one would ever claim anything I publish is “Serious.” … especially when it’s supposed to be:(

Whoa- I got the parenthesis backwards. Gotta fix that with a double closer:))

… nevermind. I’ll be serious later. I can see my fingers aren’t going to cooperate.

Stupid Christians with their stupid holiday and their stupid brainwashing of their stupid kids. Also, screw Halmark for making this such a monetary thing. Bah Humbug!

In related news, I gotta go, the damn weiner kids are listening. Also, my pops called. I’mna go spend some good holiday cheer with him and the gramps.

p.s. I’m broke, bitter, unloved (not platonically, filially, paternally, or maternally mind you), and cold. Plus, I just found out that most people get to this blog randomly. That’s a kick in the groin.

The Ind e-Pen

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Introduction

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Have you ever been in a secluded area with a large group of people, expecting one or all but one of them might go missing? And none of them do? So then you think that maybe, just MAYBE, you’re not in the horror movie that you thought you were? So you start thinking that you might be in a spoof? But then kooky happens either? So then you think you might be in another type of movie? And you take off your pants and jacket…

My Bother, the Jerk

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I was going to dedicate this entire week to defending/attacking Butt, Daniel, and T-Bone’s arguments. I was going to compare religion to opium (including some nifty places were you can buy one get one free) and question the validity of my 2.5 good friends’ reasoning..

… then my brother showed up and I decided to move religion to next week and talk about this infinitely more important subject.

My bother and I have always had an interesting relationship: he drives me crazy and I reap the benefits.. or failures. Whatever makes it easier to write a fun article (Here’s a fun project: live a lifetime of happiness, then get a younger brother and live in misery forever. Then… tell me what it’s like, because my older brother is asleep).

Anyway, my bother has an interesting way of getting things done: he yells across the house and gets me to do them. For instance, say he could not think of how to spell the word ‘discern.’ Now, he is sitting in front of a computer that has Microsoft Word open in one window, and an online dictionary open in another.

Also, he happens to be sitting next to a dictionary, thesaurus, and an encyclopedia, all conveniently open to the word ‘discern,’ which happens to be highlighted.

Now, the average person would type it in the computer, check to see if a squiggly red line appeared under it, and move on. My bother would not. He would yell across the house (or call me on his cell phone if I were not nearby), and ask me.

Now, you’re probably thinking that this isn’t all that annoying. Wait. I’m not done yet.

My bother would yell across the house, ask me to come to whatever closet he happens to be in, wait until I’m right in front of him, and then ask me. And I’ll patiently spell it out for him ‘Dee, eye, ess, see, ee, are, en,’ then walk back to wherever I happened to be before he called me, realize what happened, and fume about it silently (or perhaps write an article)

And I never learn. It doesn’t matter what it is, my bother always has me do the grunt work– which I do without forethought– and it pisses me off. So I tell him about it, then I yell at him, then I start slipping sedatives in his drinks..

One of these days I’m going to learn.

Now if you’ll excuse me, my brother’s calling me.

Three Words to Ruin An Otherwise Healthy Relationship

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• I love you.
• I hate you.
• I’m a lesbian.
• I am gay.
• Jesus was gay.
• Your brother’s hot.
• Your mom’s hot.
• Your dog’s hot.
• That boy’s hot.
• My crotch itches.
• I hate Jews.
• Pee on me.
• I’m a man.
• I’m a woman.
• Marry me, Linda (if your name isn’t Linda).
• Marry me, Butt (if it is).
• Virgin ’till Marriage.
• I’m your cousin.
• I’m your sister.
• I’m your brother.
• I voted Bush.
• I voted Kerry.
• I voted Nader.
• Ha ha ha!
• Sorry I laughed.
• I’m an Atheist.
• I’m a Christian.
• I hate Christians.
• No hablo inglés.
• I like Carlos.
• HA HA HA!!!
• Is it in?
• That’s pretty small.
• I’m… poorly endowed.
• Your… penis is tiny.
• Mmm…. Mucho Poopalicioso!
• Death by Mambo!
• Hi, I’m Carlos.

A Small Quiz:

1. If YOU were in a horror/elimination movie, when (if ever) would you die?

2. Three words that would end your relationship?

3. Are humans inherently superior to other animals?

What?? I cannot believe they rereleased TZ in season form! Who the hell wants Collections when they’re going in order? Damn. I got hosed Tommy. I got hosed good.

Also. The standard joke:
A priest, a nun, a rabbi, a lawyer, and a doctor walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, “what is this, a joke?”