Aggie X Change

By Pixel at December 13, 2004 at 6:06 pm. Filed in commentary, silly

Buy my book! It’s the one that’s luckily placed right next to the other, identical, book, only for five dollars more.

… he heh, I’m an idiot.

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Ind e-Pen # L, Second CD Sell-Out

By Pixel at December 13, 2004 at 1:29 pm. Filed in ind e-pen

The Ind e-Pen
+++vol+1+++BT+50+++
Introduction
==================
So bored.. Absolutely nothing to do.. Not a darn thing… nope. So bored I accidentally issued a challenge to my dear friend Butt’s journal.

And now I’m bored… so I thought I’d do a nice little flashback.

Flashbacks
——————

Episode 10 -
As if to introduce everyone to my hatred of Parking Nazii, I wrote a brief little dissertation on my brief misadventure with the IUP towing people. It seems that I had, silly me, parked in a 24 hour tow-away zone for an entire weekend. I was out $60 because of that. Grr! Hey, there was nowhere else to park AND it was the weekend. Who knew they checked the lots during the weekend?

Also, I mentioned a plane ride in what can only be described as an overgrown toy.. Gosh, that was a terrible trip… it was so bad that the next time I had to go cross-country, I decided to drive. That turned out to be pretty stupid, actually.

Quotes:
“I buy myself some Spongebob Squarepants socks (note: this is a blatant lie to make myself seem dorkier than I really am. What I actually bought was Spongebob Squarepants boxer-briefs)”
“let me just give you some all-around, probably unrelated advice: Never ask out a girl you run into in a gay rights rally… you think I’m kidding.”
“I’m just ticked. Don’t worry about me, though, I’ve got a porous, yellow, and absorbent cartoon character to console me.”
“what if, in discussing it, I accidentally release some information that might help potential terrorists? We can’t afford that! Our country is already in Code Pink, right? Code Periwinkle? Code Off-White? Code Fool’s Gold? Code Robin’s Egg Blue? Code Macaroni & Cheese? Code Mahogany?”

Things you might have missed:
The introduction was actually an acrostic that spelled “IM HOME” if you looked at it carefully, suggesting, of course, that I wrote it whilst I was home during my First spring break. Coincidentally, this turned out to be the week my parents split up.

The winner of this week’s question:
Starlit C. Hill.

Episode 20 -
This week was coincidentally my first week back in New Mexico. Interestingly, this was also one of the busiest I ever had, including a Mother’s day, two days of pool-cleaning fun, a 10-mile annual Bataanish death march, and several parties I didn’t particularly want to be in. Also, this was the week I tried changing up the format of the e-mail by allowing people to write in their own adventures… Yeah, that whomped.

Quotes:
“I met a girl and, as is my usual fashion, I convinced her to walk for several hours in the unforgiving sun the next day.”
“I’ll probably work my way out of active combat. Us born again Mexicans are crafty like that: we work our asses off to stay lazy.”
“By the time we were finished, the pool was impeccable (except for the peccable parts)”
“There were seven of us there, but only token white boy Jack and I actually went swimming. Something about the swimming pool being too ‘peccable’”
“If I had a catfish for every time I’ve given up the possibility of excusable public drunkenness for cartoons, then my pool would never have algae again!”

Things you might have missed:
Jack Nagel, who was the white boy who inexplicably asked me to clean the pool, was basically the only person other than me to clean the pool (and swim in it), was also the guy who gave me the idea to change the format.
The submission policy was the exact same as the Pix Capacitor submission policy… at least it was after I finished the e-mail.

The (multiple) winners of this week’s question:
Adelay, T. Rob, and Nikki Soohy.

Episode 30 -
Crap, this was the top-secret e-mail. I’m not sure I even remember what happened, too. Damn. I knew I should have told everyone, now it’s gone forever, like Peewee Herman’s career. In any case, this was also the “Top 15 things to call a bald person,” “top 25 failed spin-offs” and “Mock Interview” episode.

Top 5 items in the Top 15 List:
“Peanut”
“Pelon (Spanish for Baldie)
Baldie”
“Kiwi
Monkey Nut”

Favorite Spin-offs:
“Death magazine
Space magazine”
“Jennifer Hate Hewitt”
“Macrowaves”
“Virus Phones”
“Palm Copilots (they drink martinis)”
“Femail
The Second Bush White House”

Favorite Interview Questions:
1. What gender are you?
2. Are you single?
3. Are you likely to become single?
4. Is your relationship open?

12. Are you married?
13. Well, are you divorced?
14. Did he beat you?
15. Did you like it?
16. How long did you put up with it?
17. If it were to happen again, how long would you put up with it?

21. Do you have any kids?
22. How many?
23. Are any of them hot 18 year old girls?
24. Well, when DO they turn 18?

32. Do you have insurance?
33. Do you have a Health Condition?
34. BOO!!!!

43. What would you consider to be your weaknesses?
44. What about your strengths?
45. Do you have any super strengths?
46. Are you faster than a speeding bullet?
47. That’s not what your wife said.

54. What did the blind, deaf, mute, paraplegic kid get for Christmas?
55. CANCER!!!

Things You Might Have Missed:
The bald jokes were aimed at D. Davenport, who had grown his hair for almost 18 months before abruptly cutting, then shaving it all off (a move reminiscent of my high school prom).
These e-mails are the reasons I don’t write top X lists anymore. It’s really sad, because people seem to like them.
I’m going to give the mock interview as my real interview whenever I have to interview people in real life.
Oh, now I remembered what the top-secret thing was. Still can’t tell you, though.

The winners of this week’s question:
Denise Saenz.

Episode #40, Drafting Roughly -
A semi-recent issue in which I brought up the concept of a draft, which has since been confirmed as a (stunningly effective) strategy to garnering Democratic support in the November elections. This was forced to a vote in October (and lost 402-2), thus succinctly proving that there will Not be a Draft… right? Never mind that in January we will have 150,000 troops in Iraq– the greatest we have ever had there– in an effort to make the January elections go off ’smoothly’ (seriously). And what with this stop-loss order and this forcing soldiers out of retirement… but hey, LOOK! Mars!

Quotes:
“as of this week we are exactly three-quarters of the way through with the year. Yey, everybody! I couldn’t have done it without you! That’s right. I couldn’t have grown older without you… you youth-stealing sociopaths. Grr. I’m going to go eat some cereal and listen to NPR for a while now.”
“Topics I cannot cover because of impending reader mutiny:
My poetry (”rub-a-dub dub…”)
health
sexuality
common household objects
My unhealthy sexual attraction to common household objects (esp. when it’s not my house)
vitamins
Ethical Dilemmas and Paradoxes in extremely relatable situations
How readers are the laziest mutineers of all time
How Butt has always and will always be wrong about everything in life
How I hate writing Top 15 lists”

Things you might have missed:
Though I pick on Butt (eew!) a lot, I really love him. And not in that safe, heterosexual way, either.
I really WAS worried about the Draft. Still am, kinda.

I really did write a poem that started with “rub-a-dub-dub” back in early 2003. It was part of the cover article in the Pix Capacitor… it’s more sad than collectable, really.

Remember that one time whence I wrote that:
Butt won.

Episode #50, Second CD Sell-Out -
A recollection of previous indepens. Yeah, I’m That awesome.

Quotes:
“A recollection of previous indepens.”
“Yeah, I’m That awesome.”
“Quotes:”

Things you might have missed:
This is not my first meta-indepeny indepen. The first was actually back in the 1950s, during the height of the Cold War.
The Cold War was the lamest of all wars. And the ’50s were the lamest of all decades.
In “Yeah, I’m That awesome,” The ‘t’ in That is capitalized.
There are two ‘t’s in That.
I got the idea for this e-mail from Jess Duarte, also known as Tai.
“Also Known As” is Also Known as “A.K.A.”

The Winner of this week’s question:
Me. Yeah, I know, I can’t believe I did it either, but hey, statistically, I was Bound to win sooner or later.

A Small Quiz:

1. Are there moral absolutes?
2. What’s Your favorite episode (I mean issue [I mean e-mail])?
3. Can You receive HTML? And are the “‘”s in these e-mails represented as ??’s?

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