Now accessible to mortals

Heidi-Ho Neighborino

By Pixel at July 21, 2005 at 11:56 pm. Filed in a pixelated mind, thought experiment

A new interest of mine: Neighbors.

Consider Wilson Wilson Jr. from Home Improvement, Ned Flanders from the Simpsons, Steve Urkel from Family Matters, Kimmy Gibbler from Full House, Six from Blossom, and Mary Jane Watson from Spiderman (don’t ask me which continuity because that’ll force me to open a major can of whoop-ass on you).

My current, unresearched, untested theory is that in fiction, the neighbor represents both the known and the unknown. In other words, the neighbor is someone whose routine you see daily, but who is still a mystery. This is usually expressed via the neighbor being a polar opposite of the main character (or a main character, as in the case of Full House and Family Matters).

A case can be made that the Girl Next Door stereotype is that she is unassuming, wholesome, and pretty, while being the main character’s ideal mate. In this case, we’re using the ideal of ‘opposite’ or ‘complimentary.’

I might have gotten off on this tangent from the fact that my mom is now avidly demanding that we lock our front gate (our neighbors have been having regular all-night parties and late-night visitors for several weeks now). More likely, however, it’s from watching old Home Improvement reruns on late night television.

If anybody has any other famous (or ridiculously cool) characters that you’d like me to add to the list, please feel free to comment. Also if you disagree with my conclusion. I’m sure this topic has been broached before somewhere, but it interests me so ppphhhhbbbllltt!

Sorry, but me going off on rants like this is archetypical of this blog.


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On Seeking Non-Paying Work

By Gabe the Beaver at July 21, 2005 at 5:40 am. Filed in note to self

Dear Editor,
As a reclusive beaver with an only marginal grasp on reality and and even more marginal grasp on the concept of humans, I’ve realized that I’m the perfect person to give advice to the growing New Mexico State University population.

That’s right, I caught sight of “In the Sack with Sak” last semester and I realized one thing: few people know how to give or take advice (that last part is what keeps us advice giving mammals in the business). Therefore, this semester, after overhearing my current editor talk about the opportunity you’d offered him some months ago, I’ve decided to offer you my services.

I can write a biweekly, semimonthly (or semiweekly, bimonthly?) column between 250 and 800 words in which I give fantastic advice to weak-minded humans… completely free! Granted, I only offer to work for free because I wouldn’t be able to cash a check even if I had it in my own paws.

I’ve been giving advice professionally since December 1998 in an early edition of Panther Tracks. Since then, I’ve worked for Carver’s BT and Pix Capacitor (that last one is a bit of a stretch. Most of the people that pick up a copy do so only to light their cigars). I have a built in fan-base and never miss a deadline (the deadlines miss me :).

So what do you say? Would you publish my column if I sent it to you every fortnight (I’ll even provide nice little pictures for you)? I assure you, you’ll possibly not regret it!

Let me know (I can provide samples, if you wish).

Huzzah!
-Gabe, the Illustrious Beaver


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