Goodie Grab Bag III

(in a debate between two candidates)
Candidate #1: … and that is my plan. Any questions?
Reporter: Yes, aren’t you a douche?
Candidate: No, I am not.
Reporter: Let me rephrase that, Is it not true that you are a douche?
Candidate: Not in any sense. In fact, I’m actually–
Reporter: Sorry, I was a bit unclear. What I meant was, Statement A: I am a
douche. If you said Statement A, would it be true?
Candidate: … Aye.
(Murmur from the crowd and the sound of “Well, no douche is
getting my vote!” from a random audience member)

“What do you mean, Christians love personal affection. I mean, even Judas and Jesus made out after the Last Supper.”

Flatmate: (mumble, mumble, mumble)
Pixel: Huh?
Flatmate: Sorry, just thinking out loud.
Pixel: Is that why you’re usually so quiet?

(True statements heard after zoning out in class)
Professor: ..And that is the crux of the argument and the only thing you need to know for this course.
Pixel: Huh?
Professor: Moving on…

Polyaminotrinitrohydroglucen… for the natural feeling.

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Who the Hell is Pixel Q. Styx???

Everywhere I go, I inspire people to wonder “Just who the hell is he?” or “Who the hell does he think he is??”

I blame the middle initial. If I were Pixel A. Styx, nobody would take me seriously. “Pixel A. Styx? Get the hell out of here! Who cares who he is or who he thinks he is?? Bah!”

Such is life.

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Gabe wins

Gabe:

You win the humor columnist competition (the other guy chickened out at the mere mention of competition). You get to write a humor colum for every Thursday issue of the paper. If you can have each one sent to me the Monday before it runs, that would be great. I don’t know if you’ve heard about the new Pistol Pete mascot at NMSU, but that might be worth writing a column about. It’s kind of a funny situation and we have a bunch of alumni writing to us about how angry they are.

Of course, I’m not telling you what to write. It’s just a suggestion. Hope to
hear from you soon.

Jayna Boyle
News Editor
The Round Up

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Let’s make a dead philosopher cry

While doing research (clicking links) for my previous post, I ran across several pictures of René Descartes and laughed my ass off. I know, I know, I’m not one to talk, but still.

In any case, since nothing I write can make me laugh as much as Descartes’ face, here we go.

Continue reading Let’s make a dead philosopher cry…

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I think, therefore I

So it turns out that of all the things René Descartes came up with (Cartesian geometry, dualism, several whopping good recipes), his most basic principle is also the most hotly contested.

Cogito, ergo sum.

which, roughly translated, is:

I think, therefore I is.

…

I told you it was roughly translated. Anyway, I just heard all of the objections to this simple little claim which include:

1. Bertrand Russell’s “Do thoughts need a thinker?” That if they don’t, then he doesn’t really know anything other than “I think, therefore I think.”
2. That there’s a hidden major premise, namely “all those that think, exist.” In other words, you can’t say “I think, therefore I am” without proving that everything that thinks, is.
3. That since Descartes doubts math and analytic truths as a possible confusion imposed by some evil demon, then even logic would be doubtful and his whole operation is useless.
4. Georg Lichtenberg’s argument that Descartes inferred too much from his thought processes. That he really should have just said “there is some thinking going on.”
5. That the word ‘I’ implies existence, therefore the ‘am’ in “I think, therefore I am” is redundant. In other words, Descartes is really saying “I think, therefore I,” which, of course, is a tautology and true by definition (p and q, therefore p).

Wow. Okay, I don’t much care for René Descartes, but the man’s been dead for 455 years, you’d at least think that philosophers would cut him some slack. I mean, the man can’t defend himself anymore. He isn’t anymore, therefore he doesn’t think.

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