Goodie Grab Bag III

(in a debate between two candidates)
Candidate #1: … and that is my plan. Any questions?
Reporter: Yes, aren’t you a douche?
Candidate: No, I am not.
Reporter: Let me rephrase that, Is it not true that you are a douche?
Candidate: Not in any sense. In fact, I’m actually–
Reporter: Sorry, I was a bit unclear. What I meant was, Statement A: I am a
douche. If you said Statement A, would it be true?
Candidate: … Aye.
(Murmur from the crowd and the sound of “Well, no douche is
getting my vote!” from a random audience member)

“What do you mean, Christians love personal affection. I mean, even Judas and Jesus made out after the Last Supper.”

Flatmate: (mumble, mumble, mumble)
Pixel: Huh?
Flatmate: Sorry, just thinking out loud.
Pixel: Is that why you’re usually so quiet?

(True statements heard after zoning out in class)
Professor: ..And that is the crux of the argument and the only thing you need to know for this course.
Pixel: Huh?
Professor: Moving on…

Polyaminotrinitrohydroglucen… for the natural feeling.

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Who the Hell is Pixel Q. Styx???

Everywhere I go, I inspire people to wonder “Just who the hell is he?” or “Who the hell does he think he is??”

I blame the middle initial. If I were Pixel A. Styx, nobody would take me seriously. “Pixel A. Styx? Get the hell out of here! Who cares who he is or who he thinks he is?? Bah!”

Such is life.

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