Wow, That’s Funny! Issue No. I

a

Which is better, apples or oranges?

b

1. You know, I never understood why guys today are so obsessed with six-packs.
2. Oh?
1. Yeah, kegs can hold much more beer.

c

Silly Rabbi, molestation is for Priests.

d

2. Yo dude, man.
1. Yo yo yo my brother from another mother who would be my real brother if, when my father had had an erection, your mother hadn’t used protection!
2. . . . um. . . ya. . . yo.

e

Due to Budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

f

Boy: Do you want to go out with me?
Girl: No!
Boy: Hmm, I must have phrased something wrong. Do you want to engage in a romantic relationship?
Girl: No!
Boy: Hmm, wrong again. Do you want to make out periodically?
Girl: No!
Boy: Damn, said it wrong. Do you want to get drunk every so often and engage in strange activities?
Girl: No!
Boy: Do you want to have sex?
Girl: Sure.

g

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life doesn’t give you lemons, make due with oranges. When life stabs you repeatedly in the back with a rusty pitch fork, throw lemonade in its face. When life gives you ten million dollars, go out and buy more lemons, and one of those really neat lemonade maker doodads, and send it to me.

h

1. Hi!
2. Hi!
1. You don’t remember me, do you?
2. Of course I do, I just forgot your name, face, anything about you, how we met, or that we met.

i

Did I say that out loud? No? Good. I was afraid they’d think I was crazy..

j

1. Psst! Hey kid, you wanna buy some anti-drugs?
2. No thanks, I just got out of rehab.

k

We were sitting in a hostel with some friends getting drunk. All of a sudden three Swedish guys came in and sat down. They were cool guys and quite drunk as well. They started talking about how fair the Swedes were and kept going on about how good they were and how they never got into any wars. “You’re right” I said, “this is the first time the Swedish ever invaded anything!”

l

1. You know, I don’t think we need to be so worried about global warming’s effect on the planet.
2. Oh?
1. Yeah. Once it kills of humanity, we won’t be here to screw up anything else, and the world will work itself out in a few million years.

m

Violence isn’t the answer, it’s the question. The answer is “Yes.”

n

2. Can you swear on the HOLY BIBLE that there Is a God?
1. … No.

o

Guns don’t kill people. . . . . . oh wait, yes they do.

p

1. So is she your girlfriend?
2. In everything but name… and affection… and mutual recognition.
1. So No?
2. No.

q

In fictional birthdays this week, Waldo from Where’s Waldo and Carmen Sandiego from Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego had a baby this week. But hell if I know where it is.

r

Teacher: Math is like the ocean. It’s a great sea, filled with tiny islands of algebra and trigonometry and everything else!
Student: It’s mathematical water… and I’m drowning in it.

s

The sun never sets on the British empire. It never rose.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

And there we go, that’s it for this carnival of “Wow, That’s Funny!” Remember, you can vote on your favourites via commenting. Winners get bragging rights, losers get moping rights. It’s your call.

Next month’s edition will take place at Aeger’s Blog. Submissions can be sent directly to him or via submissions@pixcapacitor.com.

Last Year: Ind e-Pen # XLIV, The love of a man and his Ro-but
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Testing, Testing, 7-8-9

snarkage:/crazy-ass anecdote:/administrative business:/advocacy:/thought experiment:/seriously now:/projekts:/history lesson:/non-sequitur:/off the wire:/off the cuff:/dummy’s guide:/pixatic method:/top 30:/rat race:/goodie grab bag:/a pixelated mind:/nabµf:/note to self:/pixelated gaming:/random intelligence:/character profile:/

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Last Year: Ind e-Pen # XLIV, The love of a man and his Ro-but
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For all you contradictory theorists…

My base of operations is now Wisconsin, in case anybody’s wondering how I could be in four places at once, it’s easy: time zones.

When I zone out, I do it through a time zone.

when i drink, i travel into the future (mostly the next morning) and teleport (hopefully my bed, but sometimes the couch or even the bathtub) instantaneously.

Last Year: Ind e-Pen # XLIV, The love of a man and his Ro-but
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Earth’s Litter

Damn. I shouldn’t have read this. Now I don’t want to finish the book. And it was a good book too.

Updating for the sake of updating. Something bigger tomorrow and Tuesday come.

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Let’s make a dead author cry

Ha ha. Ever notice how some authors have odd names? I realized while looking up Dracula that Bram Stoker’s name looks an awful lot like a porn name. Then I realized how they all have silly looking names. Let’s go. Again!

St. Augustine of Hippo

Gustav BenJava

Earl Derr Biggers

Edgar Rice Burroughs

Iris Chang

Deepak Chopra

John Maxwell Coetzee

Richmal Crompton

Philip K. Dick

Alexandre Dumas

Umberto Eco

Mary Gentle

Hugo Gernsback

Günter Grass

Jørgen Habermas

Qurratulain Haider

Alamgir Hashmi

Dafydd ab Hugh

Lee Iacocca

Dean Ing

Jack Kerouac

Dean R. Koontz

Ignacy Krasicki

Harold Sonny Ladoo

Stephen R. Lawhead

Anita Loos

H. P. Lovecraft

Amin Maalouf

Alasdair Alpin MacGregor

Andrew Mango

Michael Moorcock

Phaswane Mpe

Edith Nesbit

Jeff Noon

Amos Oz

Jose Luis Rodriguez Pitti

Bill Peet

Plato

Edgar Allan Poe

Peter Pohl

Daniel Poliquin

Alexander Pope

Heather Graham Pozzessere

Akutagawa Ryunosuke

Sait Faik

Alexander Solzhenitsyn

James Spix

Johanna Spyri

Rod Serling

Theodor “Dr. Seuss” Geisel

Bram Stoker

Wladyslaw Tatarkiewicz

Leon Uris

Janwillem van de Wetering

Oscar Wilde

Adam Wisniewski-Snerg

Ha ha. Okay, now if you can find a funnier author’s name (legitimate, not pseudo), you get a secret, forbidden prize of mystery.

Fair enough?

Go!

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