Carnival of the Grab Bags

The Concept
A competition of wit. We take the concept of the Goodie Grab Bag to the next degree and combine multiple people’s quips into one über Goodie Grab Bag. The Grab Bag will be hosted by different websites depending on the issue. We here will host the first such edition on October 31, 2005. All submissions must be sent in by October 28, 2005 and thereafter by the week before the publishing date.

The Players
Myself, Seth, and Aeger so far. More if they choose to participate. Submissions gladly accepted at submissions@pixcapacitor.com

The Rules

Somewhat simple, but necessary:

1. The submissions must be your own original thoughts or those of people you personally know who won’t sue. A general rule of thumb for this is that the joke belongs to the first person to realize it was funny.
2. No submissions must be previously printed in Goodie Grab Bags or nationally syndicated magazines. Everything must be no older than six months since you first thought it up.
3. There is a 40 word limit for each prosaic witticism and an 80 word limit for all dialogue-centered/poetic witticisms.
4. A limit of 6 submissions per Grab Bag will be enforced. Any after #6 will be ignored.
5. Anybody who loads the vote by commenting on himself anonymously will be a sad, sad human.

The Winners

The audience will vote via the only respectable way: commenting. Whoever’s quips get the most laughs will ‘win’ that particular edition and will get bragging rights for an entire month as well as several other metaphysical (free) benefits.

The Links

For ideas on what we mean, check out the following grab bags:

http://quailitude.blogspot.com/2005/10/goodie-grab-bag-2.html
http://quailitude.blogspot.com/2005/10/goodie-grab-bag-1.html
http://sethsim.blogspot.com/2005/09/goodie-grab-bag-1.html
http://sethsim.blogspot.com/2005/09/goodie-grab-bag-2.html
http://sethsim.blogspot.com/2005/10/goodie-grab-bag-3.html
http://www.pixcapacitor.com/2005/07/goodie-grab-bag-i.html
http://www.pixcapacitor.com/2005/07/goodie-grab-bag-ii.html
http://www.pixcapacitor.com/2005/09/goodie-grab-bag-iii.html
http://www.pixcapacitor.com/2005/09/goodie-grab-bag-iv.html
http://www.pixcapacitor.com/2005/09/goodie-grab-bag-v.html
http://www.pixcapacitor.com/2005/09/goodie-grab-bag-vi.html

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CotG 24: Enter the Pixelation

Oh, and speaking of Carnivals, The new Carnival of the Godless is up at Pinoy Atheist (Also here).My current favorite quip is mentioned there.

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Consumers say FU to SUVs

This makes me happy in the pants:

• Sales of the perennial best-selling SUV, the Ford Explorer, dropped by 58% compared with September 2004. Its larger kin, the Ford Expedition, which gets 14 mpg in city driving, saw sales drop 61%. Ford stopped producing its even larger SUV, the Excursion, last month.
• GM’s full-size SUVs, due to be replaced with more fuel-efficient models next year, fell 56%. Sales of its Hummer H2– so heavy it doesn’t fall under the EPA’s fuel-mileage ratings system — were off by 31%, but the brand’s smaller new SUV, the H3, is off to a brisk start. It’s rated at 16 mpg in city driving.
• Toyota moved 46% fewer of its immense Sequoia sport-utilities, rated at 15 mpg city, and sales of its smaller SUVs were off sharply as well. Sales of Honda’s largest SUV, the Pilot, fell 26%. Nissan sold 20% fewer of its 13-mpg Armadas.

The fact that this is a question makes me suicidal in the pants:

Whether the September sales shift represents a sea change in consumer habits is still unknown. While Toyota, Honda and Ford are selling every hybrid-electric vehicle they can make, sales of full-size SUVs still dwarf that output.

And this makes me want to cry and kill some kittens (no sick internet referrence intended)… in the pants:

A September survey by AARP found 47% of the members it surveyed cutting back on travel and 39 percent visiting family and friends less often. Thirteen percent of the respondents even said they were offsetting high gasoline prices by eating less, and a like number were cutting back on medical care and prescriptions.

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What’s a little labeling between friends?

I’ve been thinking a lot about friendship lately. Before I left New Mexico, I considered myself to have one friend and a little under 100 friendly acquaintances (and about double that of byte-sized acquaintances). Now that I’ve been here in Australia for 2 months or so, I consider myself to have 1+3+2+1+1+1+3 (12) good friends and a buncha-buncha friendly acquaintances.

I strongly suspect my definition of ‘friend’ changed, but I don’t see how. Here is my personal hierarchy of friendship:

1. True friends who know everything about you, who you talk to regularly, and who you could say absolutely anything to (the test: get arrested and see if they bail you out of jail).
2. Good friends who you spend a lot of time with, you could talk to if you had problems (the test: avoid them for a week, and see if they seek you out).
3. Buddies who are a blast to be around, but you would likely not ask them to help you paint a barn if the situation came up (the test: you hang out with them, but they cringe or avoid talking about serious topics with you).
4. Friendly Acquaintances who you talk to if you run into them, but don’t do much outside of your usual sphere of connectivity (the test: You stop to chat and you’re genuinely interested in them, but plans just never seem to materialise when you’re together).
5. Byte-Sized Acquaintances who you say hi to when you walk by but not much else (the test: they know your name, but not both your phone number and address).

Perhaps I’ve been thinking about this a lot because I have a paper on it due tomorrow, but more than likely it was something a friend of mine said a few weeks ago whilst we were driving in circles around the Uni together. I’d commented on how my particular frame of mind would not work for most people, because it’s depression taken to the absurdity (where it’s not really depression anymore, so much as tongue-in-cheek self-deprication). Unfortunately, it came out as if I said I was constantly depressed (I’m a conversational eddy: I circle around in big loops until I get to the point. Most people can’t tolerate this and jump to conclusions for me… with hilarious results). Quoth the Angela:

“Why do I hang out with you then?”

And off I go, for two weeks, concentrating on the question of why did that question offend me so?

I think it offended me because it felt like she thought I was a buddy whereas I felt like we were at least good friends.

*suspiro*

I worry about the silliest things sometimes.

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