Living in the When

Pop philosophy: Carpe diem.
Pix philosophy: I’m living in the When.

I realized something the other day. I’m in friggin’ Australia! I am literally on the other side of the planet. WTF?

I’m going to be telling stories about this time in my life and about the people that I met while I was here for years to come. Years and years from now I’m going to say, “When I was in Australia,” and “I remember when my mates found out I wasn’t in the class I’d been showing up for all semester.”

This is my time. This is my When.

The people I see here and now will never be this close to each other again. I might see Angela or Adriano or Anson again, but not within the same day. Never again.

Less than 50 days from now I’ll not see my [label missing]s again. At least not for a while. At least not until I earn enough to afford a plane ticket. And who knows what the future will bring?

I barely know what the present brings.

But hell. Enough of this whinging on you all. I’ve got an article to force Gabe to write and a courtesy bus to catch. I don’t want to spend my When talking about how I’m going to remember and miss it.

Last Year: Ind e-Pen # XLII, and now, a word from our sponsors
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When you’ve had enough humor… have Anti-Humor!

A priest, a rabbi, and a buddhist monk walk into a bar, sit at the end and start having some drinks. Two hours later, they come out with a better understanding of each other and a mutual respect, the beginnings of a friendship that last a lifetime.

So this guy dies right and he goes up to Heaven and when he’s at the pearly gates he- oh wait, nevermind, he just rots in the ground.

What do you get when you stick a knife in a baby?
A life-sentence in jail.

What do you get when you’re gay?
Made fun of.

What’s worse then finding a worm in your apple?
The Holocaust.

A man walks into a whorehouse and pays a prostitute for sex. He contracts an STD and passes it onto his pregnant wife. Their child is born deformed and has a difficult life.
When asked if he could see the humor in the situation, the child replied “No. No I don’t.”

How do you know when a Frenchman has been near your house?
You don’t, really, unless you were there to see him or if one of your neighbors saw him. I wouldn’t worry about it, really.

What’s sad about 4 black people in a Cadilliac going over a cliff?
They were my friends.

Have you seen Stevie Wonder’s new house?
No.
Well, it’s really nice.

What’s the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
A Jew is a person adhering to the Jewish faith and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, usually circular bread covered with tomato sauce and cheese with optional garnishes.

What’s the deal with airline peanuts?
The packaging is generally poorly designed and cheaply made, as a method of cutting distribution costs. After all, most passengers wouldn’t want a “Peanut Fee” attached to their already costly ticket prices in order to cover the expenses of higher quality wrappers. What are you complaining about, anyway? It’s free food, and it’s a nice snack. If you’re really that bent on not enjoying the peanuts the airline so graciously provided you with, just save them and give them to the next homeless person you see. People these days are really selfish.

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I imagine it would take a great many. Mice would find it difficult to reach a ceiling light fitting, and would individually lack the strength or dexterity required to turn a bulb in such a socket. Even if you had enough mice to lend their strength to such an endeavor, the chances of them having the intelligence and wherewithall to perform suich a complex activity is really quite low.

How do hedgehogs have sex?
Like all other mammals, the make inserts his penis into the female’s vagina and moves vigorously in and out until the friction causes him to ejaculate.

I just flew in from LA, and boy are my arms tired. This is because they had run out of carts at Charlotte Douglas, and I had to lug two extremely heavy suitcases all the way from the baggage carousels to my car. I think I might have pulled a muscle in my arm.

Last Year: Ind e-Pen # XLII, and now, a word from our sponsors
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