An Introduction… and a ranting.

Aloha to all of Pix’s fans. Due to other ‘commitments’ (which are doubtlessly more important to him than YOU people) I’ve been given the privilege of updating the Pixcapacitor!

Who am I? Good question! I’m Ex_cal from ‘Borderland… Homeland… Wasteland‘. I’m also six foot three and all man, baby, ooooh yeah.

Feel free to insert a mental pelvic thrust there, by the way.

Now to the business of blogging. Bear in mind my style is a tad different to our friend Pix’s, which basically means I swear more. A whole lot more.

Perhaps one of the world’s worst inventions to date is the mobile phone. Also, one of the world’s best inventions to date is the mobile phone. But mostly… they suck.

Look at it this way: at best, you spend untold hundreds of dollars on the damn thing, just to get static ridden fleeting conversations with people inside loud bars yelling ‘where are you?…. okay, I can’t hear you…. WHERE ARE YOU?! WHERE!? WHAT?! WHAT???!!!’ I think you get the idea. Sure they can be useful when you’re stranded somewhere… if you have money in your account, that is. Otherwise?

You’re fucked.

But when they’re at their worst? Oh lordy… Let me run down a few common scenes that seem very common.

#1: “Hello? No… no… I’m in a movie. Yes… yes… Wait a second babe, someone is shushing me. Listen buddy, I’m on the phone ok? It’s important! Why don’t I go outside to make my call? Why don’t YOU go outside? Well you should’ve thought of that before you picked this movie. You still there Shawna? What was I saying?”

#2: “Hello?….. Hello?….. HELLO?….. No, no you’re breaking up- HELLO? HELLO??!?! Yeah I hear you now. What’s up- HELLO?!”

#3: “Hi.” *battery goes dead*

#4: “(In drunken slur) I’m shorry babay, I luuuv yuu… I LUUVVVV yuuuu, I’ll call yuu tamorow, don worry bout what I said, I luvvv yuuu” *loud crash as caller trips over a garbage bin*

I’d like to go back in time and find out who invented the mobile phone and explain to him exactly what he was about to wreak upon the world. How many goddamn slurred, drunken phone calls would’ve been prevented if we didn’t have PHONES IN OUR POCKETS?! The mind reels.

Still, though, they’re better than the alternatives. Imagine a drunken Aldis lamp conversation…

DARK LIGHT DARK DARK LIGHT DARK LIGHT DARK LIGHT LIGHT DARK DARK LIGHT DARK DARK LIGHT DARK LIGHT DARK LIGHT LIGHT DARK.

Oh and please don’t try to translate that, for both our sakes.

Last Year: Portales, Mercy Given
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Proto-pixel

In an effort to appease my growing legion of fans (who are sort of ticked at me), I’ve given Ex_cal some temporary writing powers.

He should be posting soon.

I’ll be back as soon as my life gets under control. Honest. 

(if anyone has anything they’d like to post here too, let me know. I might just give you temporary writing privileges too!)

Last Year: Portales, Mercy Given
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