Cyanide & Happiness

This will be the only time I promote this comic but I definitely recommend it. I keep up with these guys more than I ever have for any other strip.

I might even ask about reprinting rights.

Last Year: Celcius 232.778: the sequel to Fahrenheit 451
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Auf wiedensehen Small Talk

Here’s another game to go along with this post and fit in this post:

This game is part of my ever-long quest to destroy small talk as we know it. For those of you who remember, my last journey along this quest sought to force all small talk to cover much more intrusive questions than people are willing to divulge. I figure: if I’m going to lose two minutes of my life, I may as well find out if you like to be on the top or bottom bunk.

This new game is slightly different. Instead of avoiding small talk, you continue it… in staccato. Here’s an example. Remember, the aim of the game is to keep the person as uncomfortable as possible for as long as possible without them realizing that you are enjoying their discomfort:

Andy: So how are you today?
Pixel: I’m good. Just here, working.. You know.
Andy: Yeah. Work sucks.
Pixel: Yeah, sometimes..
Andy: Well…
Pixel: Sometimes it’s not bad though.
Andy: I know what you mean. Everything has its good parts.
Pixel: Oh, yeah. I completely agree.
Andy: …
Pixel: Totally.
Andy: Well, I gotta–
Pixel: Like, whenever I don’t have to do what the boss-man says, I’m happy.
Andy: Nobody likes being told what to do.
Pixel: Not even the ludicrously tall.
Andy: Yeah….
Pixel:
Andy: Anyway, I have–
Pixel: I’m sorry, I didn’t offend you with the tall remark, did I?
Andy: No, no, it was funny.
Pixel: It wasn’t a joke, Andy.
Andy: Hah… Yeah, well.
Pixel: Nevermind.
Andy: Well, Pix, I’ll talk–
Pixel: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bite your head off.
Andy: You didn’t.
Pixel: I felt like I did, I’m sorry.
Andy: It’s okay, but I really have to…
Pixel: Go?
Andy: Yeah, I have work to do.
Pixel: Yeah, me too.
Andy: Well…
Pixel: Work sucks.
Andy: Yeah, sometimes..

Did you figure it out yet? That’s right: you let the conversation wane into a stand-still, then, just as they try to get out of it You zoom back into the conversation and suck them in with you!

After about two times they start getting visibly uncomfortable. By number six, they get irritated, by ten they become forceful and by 25 they interrupt you to get away from your lackluster conversation.

I assume. It’s probably different for everyone and I’ve only done it once on purpose. Though I’ve had it done to me dozens of time by other people.

Last Year: Goodie Grab Bag II, Cover Letter for a Non-Paying Job
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Psst! You, in the blue!

Apparently, I have enemies.

In May, these jerks used this blog and what was written in it against me and in doing so cost me a job I was more than qualified for. Now the guy who got this job didn’t hire me back and we’re filing an official letter of complaint, so– to make sure this blog doesn’t affect my complaint –I’m putting select posts on preferred status only.

I hate doing this, I feel it goes against everything I stand for, but in order to get the consequences I want, I’m putting a pin in deontology for the moment.

As soon as this stage of my life is significantly behind me, I’ll open up these posts again. Honest. Just, for the moment, please login whenever you want to read my stuff.

Oh, this also means far, far slower loading times. I’d apologize, but I’d like this blog to fade into the background for the moment, so that’s a good thing.

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How I woke up this morning

Pixel: “… Hello?”

Mark: “Pixel, this is Mark.”

Pixel: “Hi Mark.”

Mark: “Listen, I just wanted to go ahead and tell you that I filled the design editor position.”

Pixel: “… what?”

Mark: “I filled the design editor position.”

Pixel: “Okay.”

Mark: “Alright, I’ll talk to you later.”

Pixel: “… did he just use the non-AP form of ‘all right’ in a spoken conversation?”

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