No, “honest”

Partial quotation marks make everything sound like you’re making fun of it. It doesn’t even matter where the quotes are or whether you’re reading them or saying them out loud (when saying out loud you must do ‘air quotes’ to get the same effect). Try it with your own examples. Here are mine:

• I “love” you.
• The “dingo” ate your baby.
• Where did the dirty man touch “you”
• Who’s your “daddy?”
• I have “a” bomb on my chest.
• I’m going to “kill” myself right now.
• Semper “fi.”
• Oh, yeah, you’re “mature.”

After a few examples, though, you rapidly grow tired of raising and lowering your voice (and the voice in your head) to get the right pitch and enunciation. It goes from “funny” to “annoying as hell” in five examples flat.

So try it. Just don’t go overboard.

Last Year: Heidi-Ho Neighborino, On Seeking Non-Paying Work
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Just when I thought that I was out they pull me back in

They asked me to stay another week.

I think I’m going to yell. I thought I’d paid my final rent check, but no…

The editor called me in and asked me if I could stay until the 12th. I couldn’t think of a suitable excuse to say no, so I agreed.

Now my friend who has a yearly party that I’ve never missed and don’t plan to start now, just asked me if I could make it on the 11th. This party is a pretty big deal, but I can’t see how I could explain that and don’t think I should. What do I say to say, ‘yeah, I can work another week, but I can’t make it for the two last days that are so difficult.’

HELP!

Last Year: Heidi-Ho Neighborino, On Seeking Non-Paying Work
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