League of Chick Voters

I’ve decided to start my own organization to better inform voters of the potential candidates for their elected offices. I call it the League of Chick Voters.

I even made a logo.

I figure we’ll focus on sending candidates intensely personal questionnaires about how far they’ve ever gone with a boy and what color best represents them. Then, we’ll take the responses and color and smiley-code them based on their responses. I think this market has never before been tapped..

hopefully.

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Clark Kent, super idiot

I’ve been thinking about superheroes a lot lately (I know, I know, I’m so conceited). Saturday, I dressed up as Mr. Incredible.

Don’t ask.

Anyway, my short stint as a mild-mannered page designer hiding his secret costumed identity led me to two realizations: (1) I like baring my chest to women I wish to copulate with.

and

(2) Superman is full of shit.

Continue reading Clark Kent, super idiot…

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Audienceless Lines

I’m the kind of guy who will tell a joke knowing that nobody will ever ‘get’ it. I will stand in front of friends and complete strangers alike and say things that I find amusing, but that no one else will ever enjoy: even if I explain the reason it’s amusing!

For instance, last night, the power went out. All of the clocks reset themselves and I took it upon myself to set them properly. Except, instead of setting them all at the exact same time, I set them all within one hour and ten minutes of each other. Thus, the stove says it is 10:43, but the microwave says it is 11:53 and the other microwave (yes, we have two) prominently displays 9:33.

No one will ever find that amusing. The people who are in a position to notice my little experiment (my roommate and I) will only be inconvenienced by it and not at all amused. In fact, my roommate will probably get mad at me for it and my only defense will be that I thought it would be objectively funny.

Last Year: What's a little labeling between friends?, Consumers say FU to SUVs and CotG 24: Enter the Pixelation
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