A Pixelated Mind

How I make a thoughtful post in six short steps:

1. As I was writing the previous post, I noticed how all of my posts seem to have the same basic formula.  First, there is the background (“As I was writing. . .”), where I explain what led to the thought I’m about to impart.  Sometimes, nothing at all leads to my thoughts, so I lie.  You’ll thank me for it later.
2. While I write the background, I take special care to be short and clear, but I won’t stop from being irreverent, assenine, non-sequitur or anything else that fits neatly into the realm of humor but can only be described of as funny by kids who still think knock-knock jokes are clever.
3. Then in my thoughtful posts (most of which are labeled ‘thought experiment’ or ‘slice of life’) I lay out the situation and a thought about it.  In this case, the situation is my constant formula-following posts, which is a real problem, as it means that I can only think of one way to explain my mind to people. In my posts that derive from real life experiences, I go on to explain the situation that led to the thought.
4. The situation inevitably leads to an irrelevant connection. You probably wouldn’t read this blog if it weren’t for the fact that I make connections not many others do (or even should).
5. I then try (though not always succeed) at forming an original thought from the experience. Usually this is something about human interaction, though I have been known to make philosophical, sociological and psychological claims. It all depends on what’s going on in my life at the time.
6. Finally I try to make a conclusion to tie everything together. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don’t. Thankfully, though, the post always ends. In this case, my conclusion is to try to write different posts (or post types) in the near future. Theoretically, a thought can be explained in as many ways as it comes to the original thinker, so why limit myself to just this tried and (mostly true) way?

I’ve not written anything silly or funny in a while, but rest assured: next time I do, I’ll sabotage it by analyzing the crap out of it like I did here.

Background – In high school, I had lots of people I considered good friends who more or less vanished after graduation. Thanks to the arrival of Myspace, I somehow got back in touch with a few people I missed from that era.

Situation - Recently, I ran into an old friend (a sister of a friend, really), who apparently really missed me. Here are some legitimate quotes: ” gosh i miss u we should hang out sometime,” ”
omg i can’t believe this it’s been so long!!! I think of u often” and worst of all, “Merry Christmas” (I know! The bitch!)

The thing is, I started talking to her again almost eight months ago and we still haven’t hung out. I ran into her today at the computer lab and we reiterated how we both wanted to ‘hang out sometime.’ At this point, it’s pretty obvious to both of us that we’re never going to hang out. So every time we say we’re going to hang out, we’re both lying.

Connection – Some time ago, I wrote about how I loved byte-sized conversations. I loved them because they were so simple and yet so honest. They were just enough to let the other person know you didn’t absolutely want to end their mortal existence and nothing more. They were so true in how little they meant.

Thought – So is this. To me, the fact that both people are lying and well aware of it is the greatest level of honesty you can have. You both weave this false world together and rely on your mutual conscious ignorance of the situation to keep the world afloat. The truth becomes a mutual blind spot.

Conclusion – A lot of people find these lies to be terrible remnants of polite conversation. A remainder in a long equation that casts doubt into the worth of the original equation. I find it to be the greatest natural extension of the principle of charity.

I’ve been thinking of changing my theme recently as I’ve noticed it

a) takes a long time to load on certain computers
b) doesn’t load at all on some computers
c) nobody has realized that the ‘options’ tab lets you change the colors of the blog to whatever colors you want.

If there is anybody who has a reason why I should not change the theme, speak now or forever hold your tongue (unless you don’t happen to like whatever theme I choose).

So I’ve been planning a cross-country trip since October. I have about a dozen people in the Northeast United States that I want to see again before everyone decides they have ‘lives’ and moves all around the world.

Here is my trip as it now stands.

March 7: Pick up my road trip friend from airport.

March 8, 9: Last two days of work at the Las Cruces Bulletin/going across the border to Juárez in order to say we’ve been to México.

March 10: Side trip to Carlsbad Caverns or White Sands in order to be able to say we’ve been to New Mexico.

March 11: Six hour trip to San Angelo, Texas to spend the night at ex coworker’s apartment. Odds of awkwardness ? that of a sincere, wholesome heart-to-heart conversation about life, the universe and everything.

March 12, 13: Traveling through the old south. Possible side trip to New Orleans in order to gloat/visit friend’s great aunt. Chances of survival: dismal.

March 13, 14: Arrive in Carolinas. Choice of staying the night at my brother’s house or my friend’s roommate’s brother’s ex-brother-in-law’s house. Odds of my brother seeing me just before his March 18th birthday: slight.

March 14, 15: Virginia and Pennsylvania.

March 16: Niagara Falls with possible side trip to Toronto.

March 17 – Late April: Slow and gradual starvation as I realize I have no place to live and the people I’ve gone to visit are tired of me.

May: Back to NM for a friend’s graduation.

June – December: I don’t know yet. Make me an offer…

28.

I’ve counted my teeth four times now and I keep ending up with 28.  That’s weird.  I could have sworn I counted 32 when the week started.  What happened to the other four teeth?

Furthermore, why are my cheeks swollen to the size of grapefruits and why can I feel gaps in my gums?

These seem like too many coincidences to not have purpose.  I think someone stole my wisdom teeth!

I blame the gypsies.