Post-by-numbers

How I make a thoughtful post in six short steps:

1. As I was writing the previous post, I noticed how all of my posts seem to have the same basic formula.  First, there is the background (”As I was writing. . .”), where I explain what led to the thought I’m about to impart.  Sometimes, nothing at all leads to my thoughts, so I lie.  You’ll thank me for it later.
2. While I write the background, I take special care to be short and clear, but I won’t stop from being irreverent, assenine, non-sequitur or anything else that fits neatly into the realm of humor but can only be described of as funny by kids who still think knock-knock jokes are clever.
3. Then in my thoughtful posts (most of which are labeled ‘thought experiment’ or ’slice of life’) I lay out the situation and a thought about it.  In this case, the situation is my constant formula-following posts, which is a real problem, as it means that I can only think of one way to explain my mind to people. In my posts that derive from real life experiences, I go on to explain the situation that led to the thought.
4. The situation inevitably leads to an irrelevant connection. You probably wouldn’t read this blog if it weren’t for the fact that I make connections not many others do (or even should).
5. I then try (though not always succeed) at forming an original thought from the experience. Usually this is something about human interaction, though I have been known to make philosophical, sociological and psychological claims. It all depends on what’s going on in my life at the time.
6. Finally I try to make a conclusion to tie everything together. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don’t. Thankfully, though, the post always ends. In this case, my conclusion is to try to write different posts (or post types) in the near future. Theoretically, a thought can be explained in as many ways as it comes to the original thinker, so why limit myself to just this tried and (mostly true) way?

I’ve not written anything silly or funny in a while, but rest assured: next time I do, I’ll sabotage it by analyzing the crap out of it like I did here.

| No Comments

Byte-sized collusions

Background - In high school, I had lots of people I considered good friends who more or less vanished after graduation. Thanks to the arrival of Myspace, I somehow got back in touch with a few people I missed from that era.

Situation - Recently, I ran into an old friend (a sister of a friend, really), who apparently really missed me. Here are some legitimate quotes: ” gosh i miss u we should hang out sometime,” ”
omg i can’t believe this it’s been so long!!! I think of u often” and worst of all, “Merry Christmas” (I know! The bitch!)

The thing is, I started talking to her again almost eight months ago and we still haven’t hung out. I ran into her today at the computer lab and we reiterated how we both wanted to ‘hang out sometime.’ At this point, it’s pretty obvious to both of us that we’re never going to hang out. So every time we say we’re going to hang out, we’re both lying.

Connection - Some time ago, I wrote about how I loved byte-sized conversations. I loved them because they were so simple and yet so honest. They were just enough to let the other person know you didn’t absolutely want to end their mortal existence and nothing more. They were so true in how little they meant.

Thought - So is this. To me, the fact that both people are lying and well aware of it is the greatest level of honesty you can have. You both weave this false world together and rely on your mutual conscious ignorance of the situation to keep the world afloat. The truth becomes a mutual blind spot.

Conclusion - A lot of people find these lies to be terrible remnants of polite conversation. A remainder in a long equation that casts doubt into the worth of the original equation. I find it to be the greatest natural extension of the principle of charity.

| No Comments