1oi!0

In switching webhosts, I accidentally deleted my entire Web site.  Frustration and anger ensues.

I don’t know whether I will be able to get everything back. *sigh*  Happy Birthday to me.

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Headlines that, if true, would rock the world

Hillary Clinton confirms she is pregnant with Dick Cheney’s baby

New document suggest Hitler may have been former C.I.A. operative
(I know, I know, the C.I.A. didn’t exist until 1947, but that’s exactly why it would rock the world)

Richard Jewell confesses elaborate bomb plan: Previously exonerated Olympic bombing suspect states ‘I guess I did do it after all’

Secret Jerry Falwell/Pat Robertson love affair revealed in 20 year correspondence
(Actually, that probably wouldn’t surprise me)

Weapons of Mass Destruction found in Iraq
(no comment)

Fred Phelps confirmed new Supreme Court Chief Justice

Sierra Leone civil war spills over border to Brazil
(Well, it seems like a bad headline more than one that would rock the world.)
Bush passes record tax cut; gunned down in nearby alley
(I still want to write a story in which the lede completely misses the point: “A .25 percent property tax increase was passed in City Hall today at the exact same moment that Richard Gere assassinated the Mayor in a gutter.”)

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Autosave is prejudiced against hard workers

Imagine two people, Carlos and Pixel.

Carlos writes 1,000,000 words a minute, Pixel can write 10, but, if he has access to Carlos’ computer, he can add spelling errors to 999,999 words per minute.

Carlos writes 5 novels, 3 novellas, a series of short stories and 29 microficticious stories in an hour.  Pixel can write 10 words, then spend 59 minutes playing Spider Solitaire.

Carlos regularly forgets to save his work. Pixel is still playing Spider Solitaire.

Carlos uses a PC. Pixel uses a Mac.

Their computers both shut down.

Carlos has lost 83,333 words, which means his sequel to the unauthorized sequel to Gone with the Wind (Missing with the Flatulence) will never be published. Pixel just lost a twelve-game losing streak that he’s not entirely sad to be done with.

Had autosave saved every 50 words changed rather than every 5 or 15 minutes, Pixel would be slightly annoyed and Carlos wouldn’t be slicing his wrists while weeping like a molested school girl.

Personally, I have no problem with either. I just wish Adobe Illustrator had an autosave function in any form.

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I’m such a jerk to myself (Part II)

Even when I expect nobody to read what I write (as in a diary or in general), I still write silly non-sequiturs or pathetically lonely attacks on my prior positions that I may or may not have actually ever held.
My latest e-mail to myself:

Dearest Pixel,
I write this letter to inform you that I am thoroughly disappointed in you. Your life is a colossal disappointment to me. By the time you read this letter, you will be broke, alone and unloved. I know this because I know you. This is the reason why I have taken the advanced precaution to withdraw all of your money, isolate you from everyone and viciously attack all your loved ones. I simply can’t let you have the first strike at ruining your own life.
Loser,
Pixel

P.S. Actually, I did read some interesting things that I wrote to myself. Mostly, it was 2005 me bragging to myself (circa 2006) that I (2005) was dating a beautiful Australian girl and I wasn’t (2006 again). It’s okay, though. I always tease myself like that. It’s kind of my thing

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I’m such a jerk to myself

Futureme.org is a Web site that lets people send letters to themselves in the future.

About a year ago, I found that Web site and sent myself a few letters. I just received them all. I’d forgotten that I’d written myself so much. It’s gotten to the point that I just delete my own letters without reading them. I hate SPAM.

I’m going to report the bastard.

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