Headlines that, if true, would rock the world

Hillary Clinton confirms she is pregnant with Dick Cheney’s baby

New document suggest Hitler may have been former C.I.A. operative
(I know, I know, the C.I.A. didn’t exist until 1947, but that’s exactly why it would rock the world)

Richard Jewell confesses elaborate bomb plan: Previously exonerated Olympic bombing suspect states ‘I guess I did do it after all’

Secret Jerry Falwell/Pat Robertson love affair revealed in 20 year correspondence
(Actually, that probably wouldn’t surprise me)

Weapons of Mass Destruction found in Iraq
(no comment)

Fred Phelps confirmed new Supreme Court Chief Justice

Sierra Leone civil war spills over border to Brazil
(Well, it seems like a bad headline more than one that would rock the world.)
Bush passes record tax cut; gunned down in nearby alley
(I still want to write a story in which the lede completely misses the point: “A .25 percent property tax increase was passed in City Hall today at the exact same moment that Richard Gere assassinated the Mayor in a gutter.”)

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