Humor in Inappropriate Places, or HIP

67. I drive a white 2003 Honda Civic Hybrid. My parents got it for me after high school so that I would stay in New Mexico. It claims to get 47 miles to the gallon, but it really only gets about 40. The mileage meter lies to me.

While we’re all waiting for my friend Daniel’s rebuttal, allow me to tell you something that has been on my mind (and my twitter) for a week. For some reasons, checks are usually written ‘for’ things:

• Rent
• Personal
• Groceries
• etc.

I assume this is to help people keep track of where the money went at the end of the month. I, however, only write checks to pay off my student loans and the classes that I still take at the university. This, of course, means that I can afford to be a bit more creative with my ‘for’ line. So when I write the reason behind my check:

• Novelty Jello Molds
• spite
• hush money
• ransom
• extortion
• high-priced escorts
• a lousy education
• shits, but not giggles
• cabbage-patch kids
• Johnny’s therapy bill
• a real doll
• amusement
• medical experiments
• the president of the university’s sex change operation

It was only this week, when I sent off that last check, that I realized that people actually read these. See, the university asks you to write your name and Student ID number in the ‘for’ section so that they know where to attribute the money. When you fail to do this, they write it in themselves.

So right about now someone is looking at my check and either laughing or wondering whether they should forward it to their superior.

I’d feel bad, but this is the kind of story that can go from awkward to hilarious in no time flat.

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