Things I wish I could say to people, but can’t (pt. IV of XXVI)

I’m going to start linking to all of them soon.  Next time, probably.

• You were funner when your life was terrible.
• You’re loud and overbearing.  That said, I somehow have the desire to hang out with you.  Weird.
• Sorry to hear about all of your misfortune.  I’d say you don’t deserve it, but there’s an off chance that you might.
• Sorry I stayed at your house and left the next day like it was a bad motel rather than a timely favor.
• You are a jerk that stayed at my house and left the next day like it was a bad motel.  This is unforgivable.  You are a jerk.  (Hm.  It really is strange that you two are next to each other on the phone book.)
• So, you’re coming here next semester.  So it goes.
• Nice knowing you.  I much preferred you to the friend that introduced us.  Oh, well.  Have a nice life.
• Sorry about your father.  He seemed like a nice man.
• Ring… ring… ring…  Why doesn’t anyone ever answer here?
• Happy graduation.  Have an awesome life.
• Remember that time you plagiarized off me?  Yeah, that wasn’t cool, man.  You made me look bad.
• You were hot.  Interesting?  Weeeell…… …. … .. .
• You scare me.
• I had a crush on your sister.  Why did you both end up so crazy??

… so it goes.

Update:  pt. i, pt. ii, pt. iii, pt. iv, pt. v, pt. vi, pt. vii, pt. viii, pt. ix, pt. x, pt. xi, pt. xii, pt. xiii, pt. xiv, pt. xv, pt. xvi, pt. xvii, pt. xviii, pt. xix, pt. xx, pt. xxi, pt. xxii, pt. xxiii, pt. xxiv, pt. xxv, pt. xxvi (most of these links won’t work until I actually publish the rest of the series.  That said.  Use these to navigate what you can until then.)

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11000

In observation of this very solemn and special occasion, I will not post anything today.

I will also not get any older.  Sorry.  I know we’d had this scheduled for a year, but I just don’t feel like it.  Next time, though.  I promise.

Last Year: 110O!
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Things I wish I could say to people, but can’t (pt. III of XXVI)

Even more!

• You talk loud and talk a lot, but I still think you’re cool, so we’ll call it quits.
• Ever meet one of those people that you find really cool, but not cool in exactly the right way to make you want to hang out with them?  Yeah, you’re that.  Nothing against you, it just doesn’t look like it’ll ever take off.
• I sorta liked you for a while, but now I’m deleting you from my phone.  The end.
• I fear you might have pretended to be crazy for so long that you actually became that.  That’s not a bad thing, though, because I really enjoy you.  Good luck with everything, though.
• I wish you’d wear less makeup.  I’m sorry your life fell apart.  It saddens me that I was your best friend from that time in your life.
• I remember you being kind of cool, but I can’t remember almost anything else.
• It saddens me that you only realized I was your friend when everyone else we knew together stopped talking to you.  I’d go along with it, but you didn’t really try to be my friend when I extended the olive branch, so I guess that’s that.
•   I sort of had a crush on you for a long while.  Now I’m just thankful that you’re out of my life.  Sad, but because you’re not who I thought you were.
• NO ONE CAN #(*&!$) UNDERSTAND YOU!!!!  I wish I could just tell you to think clearly, speak clearly, and make sense, but that would require talking to you……  Y para de llamarme y mandarme mensajes via Facebook!
• Your religion scares me.  What’s worse is that I have no idea what religion you are.
• I always thought you were cute, but always too cool for me.

To be continued… 

Update:  pt. i, pt. ii, pt. iii, pt. iv, pt. v, pt. vi, pt. vii, pt. viii, pt. ix, pt. x, pt. xi, pt. xii, pt. xiii, pt. xiv, pt. xv, pt. xvi, pt. xvii, pt. xviii, pt. xix, pt. xx, pt. xxi, pt. xxii, pt. xxiii, pt. xxiv, pt. xxv, pt. xxvi (most of these links won’t work until I actually publish the rest of the series.  That said.  Use these to navigate what you can until then.)

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Things I wish I could say to people, but can’t (pt. II of XXVI)

There’s more!

• You are one of my favorite people of all time.  I love you, man.
• You’ve grown on me like a fungus.  The metaphor is actually very expendable, but I’ll do you a favor and keep it short.
• You always scared me a little bit.
• You always annoyed me a lota bit.
• Please.  Stop.  Twitching.
• I’m sorry you are who you are, but that doesn’t mean I should be your friend out of pity, does it?
• …  I really need to delete you from my phonebook like I did from my life.  (Update: done!)
• You’re a nice guy and you’re funny, but you still shock me to look at.
• I cannot figure you out for the life of me.  I mean, I could when it was simple, but then I had to mess with PHP and figure out the backend stuff and… that’s just really complicated.
• You speak too quickly and are too nervous.  I’ve never said this before, but you’d be a really cool guy if you just took up marijuana or something.
• My favorite moment we spent together was when you got out of my car the last time and walked away.
• You’re super awesome and I sometimes miss you, but you talk too much.  For real.
• I miss who you were before you became a super Christian.  I feel like you died without the decency of giving us a funeral.

To be continued… 

Update:  pt. i, pt. ii, pt. iii, pt. iv, pt. v, pt. vi, pt. vii, pt. viii, pt. ix, pt. x, pt. xi, pt. xii, pt. xiii, pt. xiv, pt. xv, pt. xvi, pt. xvii, pt. xviii, pt. xix, pt. xx, pt. xxi, pt. xxii, pt. xxiii, pt. xxiv, pt. xxv, pt. xxvi (most of these links won’t work until I actually publish the rest of the series.  That said.  Use these to navigate what you can until then.)

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Social Awareness

If I didn’t have to see people every day, I wouldn’t shave.

– Frank Jagear

Would you?

Suppose you were caught in a deserted island, would you shave then?  Assume you have access to a razor, running water, heat, and shaving cream.  For me, the answer would greatly depend on whether the temperature and weather were the same or different.  A shaggy mane might be beneficial in the summer.

But it’s not beneficial here.

So that’s introducing variables we don’t want, I guess.  Okay.  What if it turned out that everyone vanished?  You still lived where you live and the water and electricity still ran like it does.  And somehow there was a constant supply of food and toiletries.  But there’s no people.  Would you still shave then?  Would you cut your hair?

My friend Frank says he wouldn’t do either.  Even when I tried to eliminate every variable other than people.  He is quite right, then, when he says that he only does takes care of himself so that he won’t be shunned by society.

I, however, would.  I’d shave every few days: not because I care about what I look like, just because I don’t like the feel of it.  And I’d cut my hair every few months.  Only, because I would only care about comfort, I would shave it (with a 3 or 4) rather than style it.  I wouldn’t change any of my clothes, though.  Those I only wear for comfort.

…

hm.  That’s funny: that’s exactly what I do now!

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