A Pixelated Mind

I had this idea a long time ago, wrote a draft, then let it sit until now. Now I stand it up because my friend Iris insists that English would be a terrible language in which to discuss time travel.  Why?

“Because you have verb tenses. In China, we just have a verb and specify the time period independently. So instead of ‘I jumped,’ you would say ‘I – in past – jump.’”

I admit that Chinese has us by the short hairs on time travel clarity, but at least in English we can sing words that everybody understands the first time!

In any case, I don’t want to learn another language when time travel becomes not only possible, but commonplace. I’ll just hope that we have new verb tenses for the various new situations that we encounter. Here are my suggestions:

As an example, I’ll use the word ‘engorge’

These are all going to sound stupid until they start getting used. So what are you waiting for?

A friend of mine recently told me that the best thing to do when someone tries to rob you is whatever they want.

They’ve already broken the social contract. You don’t know what else they’re capable of, so you should just obey what they say and hope it ends quickly.

This, to me, seems like a very defeatist attitude. Why should I concede the social contract to them? If they can violate the social contract, I sure as hell can.  In fact, I can violate it better than anyone!

So next time someone demands all of your money, don’t say a word. Just start yelling and take off all of your clothes. Then you can either start scratching yourself or masturbating furiously. The idea is to do something so completely out of line that they decide that they’d be better off leaving you alone than continuing with the mugging.

Be warned: this only works for guys. If girls try this, they might end up both robbed and raped.

*ahem*

Which brings me to my next post:

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