Quact

96.  I cannot imagine the future, at all.  I can’t even think of myself in two weeks: my mind just goes blank.  This has been going on since I turned 21 and realized I was probably going to become an adult after all.  I’d say that I would eventually write a post to talk about this, but I just can’t imagine that post ever actually being written.

It turns out that I’m not going to get my first disbursement check until September 30, which means that I will be very, very broke until then.  This means I’m not going to be able to get gold rims for my car.  I’m also not going to be able to buy the new shoes or school books I desperately need.  But I have bigger things to worry about..

I'll eventually sell these on eBay

Knowing that classes start in just a few days and I’m going to have a lot of work ahead of me, I considered reading ahead in all of my classes, just so that I could show up and not make a fool of myself.  Instead, I decided to make shoes entirely out of duct tape.  Here they are.  They’re ridiculously comfortable, because they’re designed after my own feet (with four pairs of socks).  So far I’ve had to modify them a few times to make them easier to put on and stronger in the soles.

Yes: I am that awesome.

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‘C’ for Cookie

88. I am a citizen of the world, but only two countries recognize my nationality: Mexico and the U.S. So weird.

What’s this? Am I eating a cookie? How did that come about?

Well, I’m glad you ask, World. See, it started with this post. I won some cookies… and… yesterday, my cousin received an envelope that suggested: Do Not Bend.

I don’t think I look much like her. What do you think?

Hmm.. I wonder how they delivered it with the address all blacked out like that?

And now inside…

I seriously don’t know what’s wrong with me: I didn’t take any pictures of the actual cookies. WTF??

But I did take a picture of us about to sit down for some good peanut butter and sugar cookies:

In the end: Narfna rulez. Why can’t more of you send me cookies?

Last Year: Golden Corral snubbery, I want some GRold and I hate you because I care
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Meta-shock

I’m trying to think of something offensive and yet funny, but I can’t seem to get them to mix in the exact formula that has made my blog so famous:

Ingredients:

One part taboo

One part unexpected

A dash of hilarity

A sprinkle of absurdity

One literal interpretation

One part mock innocence

Je ne sais quoi 

I usually just dash them all into a post and publish the result if it turns out to be yummy, but I just realized that the last ingredient is French for “I don’t know what.”

Oh.  Sweet.  Merciful.  Mary. The Possibly Virgin.  Mother. Of. Jesus.

I’ve been sprinkling nutmeg on my posts for YEARS!!

Last Year: Grumblings at the plant
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Which grade did you skip again?

I was never taught my multiplication tables. I know them now, but I only learned them by noticing patterns in later math classes. The reason I never learned the tables is that I skipped the grade where everyone learned them: fourth grade.

I always consider fourth grade to be the ideal grade to skip.

People who skip first or second grade aren’t necessarily smarter: they just had a head start. Their parents helped them learn to read and write and do math.

People who skipped a grade in middle school or high school aren’t necessarily smarter either, they just worked harder and played the system right.

The only grades that are left are third, fourth, and fifth. In these grades, whatever advantages your parents gave you have worn off. In these grades, you don’t know the system well enough to skip a grade on your own. Thus, the most likely reason for skipping a grade is because you were just too gosh darn smart!

In conclusion: skipping fourth grade is a sign of intelligence. Skipping any other grade is not. Isn’t it wonderful how it happens to be the same grade I skipped? What a coincidence!

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I’ve seen the same meme three times now. So… why not?

In 2007…

1. … I started some serious long-term projects. I’d done personal projects before, but I’d never gotten to the point of actually producing results. Other things I did that I’d never done before includes one thing that’s illegal in the United States (seriously). I’d tell you what it is, but I’d rather take it to my grave: it’s funnier that way.
2. … I kept about half of my new year’s resolutions. It’s my usual average. That’s why I make 18.
3. … Nobody gave birth anywhere near me. Most of my friends had the decency to go to the hospital.
4. … I went to Mexico twice and across the US twice. Not Canada or Australia like I’d wanted to.
5. … I did not have a doctor, a gym membership, a real home, a plan, a ray gun that changes peoples’ sexual orientation, money, or a novel under my belt. I’d like all of those for 2008.
6. … August 18th is pretty memorable (despite the fact that I had to look it up just now). Also, I will always remember May 29th on the count that it’s my birthday.
7. … My biggest achievement was the completion of my hug project, and all that grad school crap that made me a much better philosopher.
8. … Not going to Australia, quitting my job and not having a clue about life were pretty big failures. I will always remember 2007 as a combination of being lost and finding myself.
9. … I finally had my wisdom teeth taken out. Also, I was sick twice (including now).
10. … I bought an iPod and a new computer.
11. … Most of my money went to feeding myself and slowly paying off loans… it wasn’t very much money.
12. … I got really, really, really excited about my two major trips across two nearby countries.
13. … Songs don’t remind me of particular years, though Regina Spektor will always remind me of my friend Cassandra.
14. … I became sadder, fatter, and much poorer. Now, though, I have a plan to my life and plan to reverse all those trends.
15. … I wish I’d had super powers or a super memory, because sometimes I don’t care much about making future memories. I’d rather enjoy the ones I’ve already made.
16. … I wish I’d done far less worrying and far more working.
17. … I did not fall in love. I barely fell asleep.
18. … I had 100,000.00 one-night stands… wait, there’s not supposed to be a 1 there.
19. … I fell back in love with TV, if only for Heroes and House.
20. … I did not, and currently don’t hate anyone.
21. … I read The Count of Monte Cristo and fell in love with literature. I know that directly contradicts my answer to #17, but I don’t care.
22. … I wanted and got a lot of hugs, some answers to my own residual teen angst, and also oxygen. I like oxygen.
23. … I wanted, but did not get, a year that fit nicely into my own preconceived notions.
24. … I did nothing on my 22nd birthday. I drove around feeling sad that my friends all forgot it until I decided to get some Ice Cream at Baskin Robbins to cheer myself up…. but they were closed. Also, a rain cloud followed me all day and the Charlie Brown song played inside my head for hours.
25. … I was kept sane by my refound love of blogging and my Moleskines (although I lost two this year, which filled me with teen angst, as you can imagine)
26. … I missed my cousins. Both the newfound and the old. I have pretty cool cousins, if I don’t say so myself.
27. … my favorite new person was Adriana. She’s also my favorite newfound cousin. Of course, beyond cousins, I think I only met about a dozen people. None of which I still talk to. In cyber-land I met a whole slew (whatever a slew is) of awesome people.
28. … I learned to always do my research, to always do things early, to always plan for crazy eventualities, and to never write people off.

… one of these days I’ll learn how to just take part in a frigging Internet survey without rebelling in my own way…

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