Pixelopolis

5. I have one brother.  I call him Paco because that’s his name.  At least that’s what it should be.  It sounds cool.  I also, say the DNA tests, have two half-sisters.  Since I always round down, I’m going to live the rest of my life as if I only had one sibling.

Before he was arrested, my friend Gordon lived on 221st street.  As I drove around Tacoma, I found that they not only numbered their streets, they lettered them.  When I crossed B and 4th, I shouted, “you sunk my battleship.”  Which would have been funnier if I hadn’t been alone in my car at the time.  As it was, it was just sad.  It also reminded me of why nobody plays board games or rides in cars with me anymore. . .  and you can forget about them playing board games IN cars with me.

While numbered and lettered streets might be easy to navigate, they are also woefully uncreative.  I can imagine dozens more creative names that still would make a city easy to navigate.  In my ideal city, Pixelopolis, all street names would be informational.  As teens begin to drive and learn the major roads, they begin to learn important historical, cultural, and political names and terms.  Streets in entire sections of Pixelopolis would have related names, which shape the dynamics and identity of the town.  Some examples of these street names would be:

• Countries of the world in alphabetical order.
• Capitals of the world in alphabetical order.
• States or provinces of the country.
• Capitals of states or provinces of the country.
• Presidents of the United States (And no, I have no idea where Benjamin Harrison Way would be, but I’m sure people on Grover Cleveland St. won’t like it.)
• Members of Congress
• Supreme Court Justices
• Nobel Prize Laureates by year of award (In fact, you could subdivide a city into five townships, with the ‘economics’ as an upcoming suburb.)
• Academy Award winners by year of award
• Pulitzer prize winners by year
• Elements of the Periodic Table
• Famous literary characters (This could be divided by century, country, OR genre)
• Famous historical despots
• Famous guys named ‘Bob.’

Just once I want to hear somebody say, “hey,  meet me at Albert Einstein and Millard Filmore” or “I live on Lesotho, which is really just the 300 block of South Africa.”

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I, Rule (part IV)

(Please note that as Sim Pixelonia’s leaders grow and learn. Here is part I, here is part II, and here is part III)

Welcome back to Sim Pixelonia. Today we will continue our discussion on the economy and move on to government and foreign policy.

Pixelonia has a mandatory maximum wage. There is no minimum wage, but the de facto minimum is what people are willing to work for, which is sufficient.

Trade is taxed relative to the nature of the country of origin’s human rights and environmental record. Tax money acquired from trade with, say China, would then be donated to human rights and environmental charities, thus promoting an equal playing field for all countries.

Voting is an odd affair, as one can vote for or against a candidate. If you vote for, you are allowed a ’second choice’ vote, which will only count if your first choice does not pass 15% of the votes. This system means that third parties are both viable and effective. Furthermore, it means that every person running for office will attempt to secure the most positive votes and fewest negative votes.

Politicians are viciously fact checked by reporters and government offices, ensuring that elected officials speak the whole truth. Every year, citizens can vote to recall a politician from office. Usually this is only a nominal endeavor with few people voting, but sometimes it can lead to a recall of a widely corrupt or incompetent political figure.

Our bicameral legislature is composed of the Senate, which is composed of highly educated elected officials from various parts of the country, and the People, which is simply every person. Interested parties can propose and track bills, vote for and against them, and organize via a secure online Web site. This makes for a very fluid democracy, which would be devastating in other countries, but is not in Pixelonia because of the highly educated nature of our populace.

Religion is freely accepted, but barred from government intervention. In Pixelonia, the wall between church and state has a moat, drawbridge, and trolls.

Our ‘open borders‘ allow anybody who can pass a psychological test, intelligence test, and background check into the country temporarily. Once in the country, the immigrants must spend a predetermined amount of time in service (working for the government or volunteering in some fashion) before they are allowed a path to citizenship. This does not apply to foreign nationals who wish to simply visit, attend university, or be sponsored for work.

Pixelonia is an advocate for world peace. Political figures travel far and wide to negotiate economic and political settlements.

Pixelonia has goals, some of which are short term, but many of which are long term. These goals are continuously updated as the civilization grows.

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I’m really famous on TV: haven’t you ever seen America’s Most Wanted?

My ten-year high school reunion is coming up in five years, so I’ve already started working on my lies. As you may know, the secret to a good reunion lie (or lie in general) is that it has to be believable, yet make an impression. Now, I could easily tell the same old, tired “I’m a millionaire super genius married to a super model” story, but then people might quiz me on the taste of caviar and catch me lying.  So, to create a believable fake story for my reunion, I’ve crafted a fake life up until now.  What do you think?

My (fictional) life story since high school:

• Year One: I graduated high school and entered the local community college, moving in with my best friends. After failing the first semester, I resolved to not let that happen again only to get kicked out my second semester for plagiarism. Then my roommates got together and moved without telling me: selling all of my stuff.
• Year Two: I started working full-time washing dishes at Pot Belly’s pizza before the IRS audited the owner and shut down the place on account of it just being a meth lab in disguise.  I spent a good portion of the year giving depositions and almost went to jail, but managed to get free by convincing them that it was humanly possible to be that ignorant.  I left the job and got hired at a video store, which was so great because I got to see every movie that came out
• Year Three: I finally decided to make it big in life and moved to Las Vegas with my manager. However, after three months of not finding any singing work on account of my looks, my manager left me and took all of my money. I spent the next nine months paying for the debt he’d incurred gambling in my name.  I even tried to get into the adult movie business: being in two movies before my first suicide attempt.  When I got out of the hospital, they wouldn’t let me get into any movies anymore, so I gave up.  It was sad, too, because I had finally built up enough credit to make the switch to heterosexual porn.
• Year Four:  I moved back home with my mom and went back to work at the video store.  I got a night job as a bouncer in a punk-themed bar.  I finally reconciled with my former best friend and began making money.  I met a girl at the bar and we started dating, but she got pregnant within two months and we had to have a shotgun wedding.  Despite it all, I was happy.  The child was born premature and I had to sell my car to pay for the hospital bill, but it was worth it.  We named the kid Frank after my best friend who was also the godfather.
• Year Five:  I left my wife after six months together after I caught her cheating on me with my best friend.  Actually, I let that one slide, but the next month I found out that she’d been contacting sexual partners on the Internet.  I tried to leave and take our child, but she told me it was actually my best friend’s and kept it.  I tried killing myself again, but failed, so I was in the hospital when the judge awarded her full custody and child support that was two-thirds of my pay check.  Now I’m living back with my mom again, but am glad I went through it all because it made me who I am today.

I think I’m out of ideas of what the absolute saddest life story could be.  Does anyone care to suggest something?

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It’s Danarchy!

I discuss my ideas with everyone, not just you e-people who read my blog. After the last post I wrote about Sim Pixelonia, my friend Frank* decided he wanted to create his own country too. Since I was both repulsed and attracted to his ideas at the same time, I decided to post them here. Eventually I’ll do a side-by-side comparison of our various countries. But for now, this will have to do. Here it goes. Blue is direct quotes.

In Danarchy, the president is elected every 5 years and can be reelected once (twice if it is by 75 percent or more). He has a cabinet of 12 members that each represent various aspects of public life (defense, education, health care, etc.). The cabinet holds elections every 2.5 years and the candidates are nominated by the various branches they represent (armed forces, teachers, unions, etc.).

State representatives are elected every 2.5 years. They can run for election so long as they have an adequate number of signatures on their petitions. All politicians can be vetoed by the public (via secure Internet voting), so long as 60 percent of the voting public is against a certain decision.

Furthermore, any politician that uses his country to better serve his own estate will serve sentences. If he uses his power and lies he can be punished by death. He must not disclose all information, but if he lies to the public: death.

In Danarchy, any prejudice will be dealt with swiftly and harshly. Discrimination will be an offense punishable by death or jail time… locked up with the race that was discriminated against.

Unproductive or impoverished members of society would be given government assistance (in finding better jobs and going to school) for two years. Citizens will only be allowed to take government assistance three times in your life. However, if, after two years, a person on government assistance cannot prove they have been trying to become productive members of society, they will be sentenced to death. Appeals would be dealt with by a tribunal, but being found guilty would mean you would face a firing squad the following morning.

All money is dealt with fingerprint credits. You would go to work, clock in and out with your thumb print. This would automatically credit your account. You would use the same system to purchase items and services. Exchanging money between persons would require a miniature pad that could be purchased at any major convenience story. The pads would read your heart rate as well as check your thumb print, so you could never be mugged (your heart rate would be too high for the machine to work). Also, illegal trades would be virtually eliminated as any large amount of transactions would raise red flags in the system.

Illegal immigration would be virtually eliminated by this system as well, however, there will also be a 10 foot chain-link fence around the entire country. Furthermore, there would be a massive propaganda initiative for people outside of the country to believe that life inside the country was worse than it really was.

The criminal justice system will not be ‘innocent until proven guilty,’ but ‘set-up until proven not-set-up.’ The principle will be the same, there will just be an extra burden of proof on the state.

Health care will be universal, though better, quicker health care will also be provided for those who can afford it.

Taxation will be a 20 percent flat tax which would also affect businesses. Although businesses will also have to face an ‘environmental tax’ in which businesses that affected the public in any way would have to pay more money.

Trade will be more heavily regulated for exportation than importation.

Remember, we’re trying to steal other people’s stuff. We don’t want to lose anything.

There is no army, but there is a nuclear first-strike policy for potential invaders. Danarchy will not negotiate with aggressors. It also engages in heavy spying.

Prostitution is illegal, as is the buying, producing, growing, or selling of drugs.

Also, in Danarchy, there will be no chihuahuas. Ownership of which will be punishable by death. I don’t want Chihuahuas, they’re evil. They hump your leg, they pee everywhere, they bark at everyone and they’re an illogical size.

Education will begin at age 4 and go on until 12th grade. To go to college, all graduating seniors will have to do 6 months of community service. After which, they will have all their college paid for so long as they maintain a C-average or better.

Danarchy will focus on space exploration, but also pay attention to other sciences. Danarchy has severe funding of science with regular scholarships and prizes available in a wide variety of fields every year

* Okay, fine, that’s not his real name and never has been. But at least I’m consistent. I’ve called him Frank on here for years!

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I, Rule (part III)

(And now back to a series that I stopped writing because my mate Anson would always destroy my ideal society in the comments. As he rarely comments here anymore, I thought it’d be safe for me to go on to part III. Here is part I and here is part II)

Welcome back to Sim Pixelonia. Today we have to discuss something that most of you probably find rather dreary: taxes.

Sim Pixelonia has a flat tax. Ten percent of everything you earn or consume is reserved for the government. This means that there is no tax forms you have to fill out and no precious money is wasted processing poorly rendered forms. Enforcement of taxation is automatic in most cases.

Should a non-student adult be unemployed for 6 months, a qualified social worker will be sent to see if he needs help. If the citizen is having difficulty finding a job, the social worker will assist in any way possible. This way we will be better match our workforce to our job market and catch any potential problems before they start.

If you wish to donate your tax money to charities, we have a list of nearly 1,000 approved, apolitical, non-religious, charitable organizations. If you go online, there is a form which allows you to specify where up to 50 percent of your tax money will go. This form will ensure that publicly supported organizations and charities are not at a lack for funds due to government mismanagement.

In return for your taxes, as part of our perpetual ‘agreement with the people,’ we will release details of all government expenses and income every year to curious journalists or bloggers. This way you can be sure where your tax money is going and we eliminate excess expenditures.

Donations to political parties are in a blind trust which is then sealed for 10 years. You can donate the amount of money you wish, so long as no political candidate is aware you donated to them.

Politics will be publicly funded with a two-term limit, and a psychological test and an educational requirement for all positions. The education required will vary depending on the position but will generally include economics, biology, management, political science, world history, philosophy, logic and geography. It is hoped that this will ensure a fair and representative democratic system with qualified, intelligent leaders.

Continue reading I, Rule (part III)…

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